Pre-Holiday Cleaning


I plan to celebrate Christmas with four columns as is my tradition.
Prior to those columns, I would like to empty the shelves of any
topics that might exceed their “use-by” date prior to the New Year.

Silly Gopher
This topic may go bad as the subject is already spoiled. I read this
week how A.J. Barker quit the Gopher football team because his coach
yelled at him. Coach Jerry Kill apparently gave his player a pep-
talk about his conduct which offended his sensibilities so that he
needed to not only quit but hold a press conference. Here’s the
thing, pep-talks are what coaches do-at least the successful ones.
If a young person is brought up to believe he is such a precious
flower that he can never be corrected by his boss then he is probably
too tender an individual to play football, or live life.

I am never sure what to do with Thanksgiving. If people only give
thanks one day out of the year they probably cannot perform the act
properly. I do know that people get stressed during the holiday so I
would suggest not to wash the floors until the company is gone and to
make sure you provide a good supply of boxed wine-keep your
expectations low. Myself, I work on Thanksgiving so my traditions
are pretty well established.

Old-time Profanity
Whatever happened to the old profanity? It was more culturally
interesting and descriptive than today. Modern profanity seems
without genealogical descent and is much to homogenized. “Consarnit”
was a bit of my favorite profanity while “dad-rattit” may activate
childhood memories for others. Today’s profanity is too coarse and
unimaginative which sometimes leaves me hornswoggled.

When Black Friday comes
Okay, no interpretations on the lyrics to the Steely Dan song of the
same name-too much of a minefield. I just like the title. If you are
now indulging in or are attempting recovery after Black Friday then
you probably need a little consumer insulin. How about this, why not
stop for a few minutes and remember the reason for Christmas-and no
it is not the birth of Santa or Frosty the Snowman. Jesus was born
to save all mankind, not just so you could get thirty percent off.

Christmas Decorations
The Christmas decorations are up in Thief River Falls. I noticed this
year that garland was strung across the street from one building
rooftop to another. I would like to use a source as precarious as my
own memory and state that this is the first year for cross-street
garland, and I really like it. It reminds me of the massive Christmas
centerpieces once strung over 3rd street and Main avenue that
featured garland streaming from all four corners which ended at a
huge Christmas tree. This beautiful display reigned over the
intersection through the holidays and gently blinked a powerful,
emotional message to my young mind. I’m sure that display has been
gone for at least a few decades but I like to visit the sweet corners
of my childhood and the decorations in town found that part of my
brain which stores all of those good times.

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